An Empty Tube of Toothpaste...

Goodbyes are so confusing to me. Why is it is so hard to show your true feelings of sadness when someone you love leaves you? In life, especially my life, goodbyes are inevitable; goodbye to your old friends, goodbye to the day, goodbye to the carton of expired milk in the fridge. Eventually we, as human beings have to say goodbye to everything. This is what we have been taught anyway. But I have found that this theory is so much easier said than done. For example: Tomorrow is Friday, April 13th, 2007. This means, aside from the bad luck bestowed upon the superstitious, that many members of Building 25 in my complex are leaving for their reals homes in Utah, or Minnesota, or whatnot. Their contracts here at Disney officially end tomorrow. It is so strange to see them leaving. It feels like our clothes still have the wrinkles from being in our suitcases during the long trip down here four months ago. I have grown closer and farther then closer to these people throughout their stay here and I don’t want to see them go. I really love them. I have the strongest feelings inside of me concerning them. But when I come face to face with them at the time of our final goodbye...I choke. All that comes out is small talk, chopped up and separated by awkward silence. I love these people, I really do. I just can’t get the love to come out of me so I can show it to them. I feel like an old tube of toothpaste and I am unsuccessfully trying to squeeze the last smudges of goo out onto my toothbrush. Of the many leaving one stands out to me the most and it really hurts to see her go. Kate was in my training group when I first arrived. This is one reason I feel so close to her I think. No matter how weird or frustrating they were, you always have a bond with the people in your training group. They serve as a point for comparison. They arrived at the same time and learned at the same rate you did. They are your equals in a way. It feels like they will always relate to what you are saying because you all were “brought up the same way” so to speak. Kate became more than just a scale or security blanket from training though. The first day I walked into our orientation I sat with her. This sounds so cliche it hurts my teeth to say it but I had this overwhelming feeling like we had been friends our entire lives. She is a gorgeous girl which, usually, I would find extremely intimidating. But her the pseudo-familiarity served as a buffer to any awkwardness. We have been friends from the beginning and to see her leaving feels like a piece of my childhood is getting on a plane and flying into oblivion. It will be so weird to not have her around. I kinda wish that I could have the mentality that the Disney Corp. has sometimes. As soon as your contract is over they ship you out. No goodbyes, no waiting period, no time to grieve, just business. As soon as they don’t control your schedule you need to get the hell out of their houses. Sometimes it feels like it would be so much easier if everyone had this mentality. But then again, isn’t that what life is about? Making connection with people? Maybe that is why it is easier for me to let people go; because I feel connected to the ones I love even when we are apart. I have so much love for the people leaving me tomorrow and I want to show it to them so bad. But, like I said, that is so much easier said than done.